I vividly remember grim warnings from my senior high school gym teachers, who lectured us on precisely what would happen when we didn’t wear them.
Best case scenario, we’d never have the ability to have children. We’d twist the wrong way, and that’s it, our reproductive organs will be mangled beyond repair.
And that was when we were lucky. Worse case, we’d suffer testicular trauma. There’d be ruptures, fractures, contusions, torsions; there seemed to be no end for the horrible things that could happen to our nuts in a friendly game of pickleball.
Related: The More Effective Man Project, 2,476 suggestions to keep you happy and healthy for years
But I haven’t wear a jockstrap since sentences like “I’m concerned with tomorrow’s algebra test” and “I sincerely feel that dry-humping my girlfriend during the slow dance at prom looks like a meaningful relationship milestone” were issues i considered regularly.
That may be, until a pr rep for Diamond MMA compression jock and cup system-readily available for just $90-sent us a complimentary set a few weeks ago.
Should your first thought was, “Hey, isn’t how the same cup Dairy Queen uses of their Banana Splits?”, then we are totally on the same page.
At the beginning, I left it on my desk, like a sort of perverse tip jar. I even briefly tried it like a makeshift container for pens and Post-It notes.
I Then chose to strap it on for your Men’s Health Monday morning editorial meeting.
There’s something weirdly exhilarating about gonna work wearing the type of testicular protection usually restricted to MMA athletes.
Because when your balls are that ensconced, you understand, with out a shadow of the doubt, that the day won’t end together with you being rushed towards the e . r . with internal scrotal bleeding.
Of course, you might claim that about most days-especially when your career, like mine, involves long periods of typing with a computer, or having conversations with calm, entirely nonviolent those who are unlikely to judo chop you in the nuts unexpectedly.
But there I used to be, all but daring my fellow editors-with nothing more than a smug smile-to thrust their elbows into my gonads, or grind the company end in their shoes into my giggleberries.
Unsurprisingly, there are no takers.
Afterward, I purchased to speaking with some my male coworkers about balls-hey, these topics just show up-and what, if anything, we’re doing to protect them. I found that not much of a single one of these wears jockstraps anymore.
Not just throughout the office. Even in the club. Or wherever they work out. They’re essentially free-balling it.
Jay Ferrari, a normal MH contributor who has a black belt in Brazilian jiu jitsu, says the past time he wore a jockstrap “was for pee wee football. But a jockstrap during college football or jiu jitsu? Never.”
So just why not? Why were mens jockstrap necessary in your youth, although not a great deal in 2015?
When our high school graduation gym coaches warned us of your testicular Armageddon that may be a consequence of letting our boys dangle unprotected, were they full of shit?
“Probably,” says Brian Steixner, M.D., Director of your Institute of Men’s Health at Jersey Urology Group in Atlantic City.
Dr. Steixner has treated some truly horrifying, gory male organ injuries. But with regards to testicular trauma, a minimum of among non-pro athletes, he insists it rarely happens.
Of the approximately 2,500 patients he treats every year, approximately a pair of those suffer from scrotal injury.
How does it happen? “Maybe a horse kicked them within the balls,” he says. “Or there was an automobile accident in which the controls went inside their nuts. It sometimes involves farm equipment or heavy machinery. Your task involves pulling a strap as well as something breaks and snaps.”
In other words, nothing that’s more likely to eventually you. (With the exception of the auto accident. But even then, having a controls rammed in your balls appears like a lengthy shot.)
“Modern boxer briefs basically solves the issue,” he says. “You don’t must wear this weird contraption which includes these straps that wrap around your butt. You can put on tight-fitting underwear, as it does everything a jockstrap did, which can be keep things high and tight. That’s all you need.”
While underwear has changed, not a whole lot changed in jockstrap and cup technology, which first came into vogue through the late 1800s.
“A jockstrap is a jockstrap, today as it was in those days,” says Kevin Flaherty, whose great-great-great-grandfather founded the first jockstrap manufacturers in the united states, the J.B. Flaherty Company, Inc., in 1898.
Previously 100-plus years, materials have changed. Flaherty’s company-now Martin Inc., which produces Flarico, Bub, and Activeman products-has evolved from knitted waistbands and straps into more at ease woven products.
The waistbands will have a plush back, and there isn’t a three-inch-wide bit of rough elastic. But in addition to that, plus some fashion colors, there hasn’t been a lot of dexjpky93 inside the design.
Except, naturally, for items like the Diamond MMA. Their compression-jock-and-cup technique is constructed from polycarbonate, a durable thermoplastic material that’s employed in bulletproof glass.
That could be useful should your job requires people seeking to kill you, or at least severely damage your yam bag. However, for us non-MMA athletes, do we require very much ball-protecting technology?
Sure, fluke accidents happen. But that doesn’t mean you ought to walk around wearing a helmet and elbow pads. That would be insane.
“The only other time I’ve seen serious scrotal injury was from a parent,” Dr. Steixner says.
“Excuse me?” I ask.
“Like a dad getting kicked hard in the nuts by one among his kids. That takes place on a regular basis.”
“It does?” I ask this although I absolutely know he’s right.
I’m a parent of a 4-year-old boy, and I’ve been on the receiving end of a barbarous foot or elbow. I’m knowledgeable of what it’s prefer to get a crushing ball blast from your kid not of sufficient age yet to realize that scrotums have similar general resistance to blunt force trauma as hard-boiled eggs.
Later that night, as i return home, I’m still wearing my Diamond MMA compression jock and cup. But unlike the professional interactions with my co-workers, I don’t discourage a violent reciprocity with my testicles.
“C’mon!” I shout at my son, who can’t believe what his daddy is asking him. “Hit me again! Really throw your whole body with it now!”
“Everything regarding this makes me uncomfortable,” she announces, similar to this proclamation will somehow make my son stop hurtling into my nutsack with extreme prejudice.
My son and that i just laugh, and the man consistently deliver blow after merciless blow onto what needs to be my soft extremities.
“It’s okay,” I make an effort to convey to her, after pretending for that umpteenth time that my son had caused me irreparable scrotal damage. “This is what boys do.”
He then tries on his own cup-the Diamond MMA individuals were kind enough to send me two-and i also give his groin a pounding (although admittedly I pull my punches.)
My partner eventually walks away. She can’t bring it anymore. But my son and i also keep laughing, and keep punching each other from the nuts, amazed at the loud CLUNK our knuckles make when they get in touch with what should be testicles.
“This is the greatest evening of my life,” my son laughs, falling to the floor, clutching his ribs with laughter.
Testicular violence is absolutely nothing to laugh at. But testicular violence through which nobody gets hurt thanks to modern technology designed specifically for professional athletes? Well, that’s simply a reminder that we’re living in a remarkable age, unlike anything our secondary school gym teachers could have imagined.